research and headaches

I’m throwing this out in case anybody does this. Deadlines are really the best thing for making something happen. I’ve set a deadline of having a first draft of my new solo by the time I go to my director’s pad for her New Year’s party tomorrow night. Arggggh! I am trying to get back up from yesterday and it’s after 6pm already. More difficult things have been accomplished. Part of it is fighting inner resistance. Those voices who say you can’t do this or that or that’s not as good as something else. Or why bother? All that stuff. I care about this subject matter greatly (where we are as a country) and know it is multifaceted. It is complex. I’m reaching for things I don’t know if I have a leg to stand on yet. I am also trying to get beyond voices of judgment telling me what the audience will like or not. It’s really hard. I’m looking up a bunch of stuff on the internet that I’m sure will get me red flagged and observed. Oh well. Other people are doing worse things. I’m just trying to create a piece of art to stimulate dialogue to advance us as human beings. I’m trying to get into Bush’s head when the planes crashed into the towers on 9/11. I know he thinks differently than I do but I wonder if he was in shock. I know he ran 4 miles that morning and he’s middle aged. Did he know something was up? He said a couple of times that he saw the plane go into the first tower and thought that was a bad pilot. Did his brain snap off? I’ve been in situations where something bad has happened and have had that kind of freeze before. Usually, it was the result of an irate dinner customer getting the wrong food. He was going in that day to talk to do a soft opening. To see some kids read a book together and do a short press chat on his education reform. (I have other issues with No Child Left Behind that for the sake of this don’t need to be put in here. Or do they?)
I’ve taken a work-first view of putting up this show. I’m gambling on the subject matter to be what gets people to come out. It’s scary but I am going to keep plugging ahead. Well, I better get back to work.