Round 2

Completed the second draft of American Badass tonight. When it’s just an edit rather than a full rewrite, I feel like I am cheating. Now that all that writing crap is over, I can rip off the playwright hat and put on the producer hat. I hope to do most of that in the next couple of weeks so I can throw on the actor hat. I feel in a lot of ways, that’s the part of me that’s been the most neglected or abused. So funny since for a long time I had difficulty separating who I am from myself as an actor. Over identification. Maybe that could be a piece. After the next one, which will simply be called Green. My favorite color and it has many connotations. I think I will be focusing mostly on sex and money.
I meet with Chris Foster tomorrow to go over costumes. I haven’t had costumes in a show in a long time. I suppose I could go without but I think it will be a nice addition. She wants to have bigger changes than I would like. I’d like to keep things the same from the waste down, simply because I don’t have a lot of time to change during the show. Spoke with Debby Schwartz about the music for the show. She’s super cool and is going to create a couple new tunes for it. I love how whacky creative she is. She comes up with these great ideas and wants to do all these great little noises and fills in the show. Like a Pink Floyd album. I’d love to get to a point of having a soundscape like that but it would be difficult. I know Laurie Anderson did Spalding Gray’s stuff after it was filmed.
Eric Bogosian would tape record his pieces until they were where he wanted them to be. I feel like writing is better for me. I like having the frame from which to work. Comes from the acting background. I’ve been going back and forth a lot in my own head about my identity as an actor or as a writer. I would like life to have it so I don’t have to choose and can live in an artistic Utah. Part of it is a decision on my part about what I will let myself do or not do. If you give away the milk for free, the universe will respond in kind.
I awoke today with the craziest scramble brain. All these thoughts going, going, going. I find it’s more difficult to get out the door with that. And I had the exact same morning because the commercial I was auditioning for on Friday was postponed until this morning due to a trip to the emergency room for one of the cds. It took me 15 more minutes to get out today and I didn’t have any coffee. Maybe I was groggy from sleep deprivation. The audition was weird. I love how you eventually run into someone from every chapter from your life at auditions.
I talk to regular actors a lot. It’s a different mindset from what I have and possibly why I’m not more of a star. I think I used to have that gene but I gave it up. Sometimes it’s a game you play with your own mind. A friend of mine did a reading with me last night at the Metropolitan Playhouse. He said it’s when you give it all up that usually something lands in your lap. I don’t know about that. I guess it works for him. He’s had a bit more traditional success than I have.
For me, doing the work can’t be about becoming famous or trying to forge a career out of it. At one point I did try to milk that out of it and maybe I could have eventually done that. But why bother birthing a child and rearing it if you’re only going to whore it out? I tell you, doing this stuff keeps you from facing not having anything to do. I don’t know if I like being in that place. I think there’s a balance to be attained.
I hope I can draw a college and high school crowd for this one, if possible. I don’t know if it would appeal but I do want those first time voters coming out to think about what’s going on now.

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