"To be a Republican you need to believe:"

This was in my inbox. I think the big ones that were left out are that rules are made to me bent, broken, ignored, and redefined. Loose lips sink corporate/political/ religous agendas during the never-ending War on Terror. Bringing Democracy is code for occupation. No bid contracts are what ignite a free market. That area over there should be called Middle East America.

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .

5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO’s and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, bucreationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which tens of thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet .

13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

14. You support “Executive Privilege” for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

15. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

16. If is better to fight an illegal Oil War in Irag, killing 100s of Thousands, and costing 100s of billions of dollars, bankrupting the USA and the Middle Class, than to spend 30 billion on HealthCare for US children and the poor.

17. God has decreed this must not be a welfare state for the underprivileged and the working Middle Class, but Government Subsidies and Tax Breaks for the Wealthy and Oil Corporations are good business. A Welfare State for the Ulta-Wealthy is God’s Oily Gift to America.