I’m still up-ugh!

I shouldn’t have had that diet coke and coffee tonight. I had a terrible flu over the weekend and closed the show at the Metropolitan. The cast went out with the producers of the show to Kate’s Joint on Ave. B. I didn’t want any alcohol or too much to eat so I went for the cheesecake and a coffee. Maybe it isn’t the caffeine.
I’m being evaluated tomorrow for my residency up in the South Bronx. I don’t know what to do. Most of the kids are huge behavior problems. One was supposed to have been removed but wasn’t. The boys are way over-sexed. I don’t recall knowing that much about it at that age. Or, if I did, I didn’t talk so brazenly about it. I certainly didn’t talk back to people and I didn’t start so much shit. I want to go in and do a 15-minute performance of imitations of all the stuff they’ve done. Maybe the shock of recognition might get them to see that I do see it all, that I’m not as L7 as they think, and that they aren’t getting away with it. In a better world, they might curb some of the nonsense. I doubt this would be looked upon as good teaching. I’ve found clowning a bit with stupid behavior puts it back in their faces without having to call them down. The trick is then to move it to a new place and to replace their behavior. Maybe I could show them several alternatives with the behavior and language they are using. This isn’t to make them feel bad about themselves or to shame them but to get some awareness and perspective on what they are doing.
I know I’m not the only one with these problems with students. People should have licenses before they becomes parents. In my better world scenario, that would come first. Then Presidents would be tested before the first debates to prove they are worthy, smart, and able. Next, CEOs would be the first to lose money when a company goes down. Then everyone would work in some form of union and have health care. All cars would be hybrids, all exchanges on the stock market would be real, and advertising would be kept to a minimum. Our tax system would be adjusted to make sense and we wouldn’t be getting rebates to smooth over poor money management by the government. And, what the hell, make cosmetic plastic surgery illegal, unless it would undoubtedly save the life of the patient.
Maybe I’m up because I didn’t learn my lines over the weekend as planned. I was barely awake for most of it. It felt like I was stuck on just a couple of thoughts in my flu sleeps. Both of which centered around two of my students. I can see how some of them have been dealt a terrible hand but they are doing the best they can with it. Some rise above it all. Then some make things that aren’t so bad really horrible for themselves. They create their own misery and wonder why the world isn’t working in their favor.
I guess I do that for myself at times. Wishing I was some place I’m not physically, professionally, monetarily, or spiritually. I think I’ve lived most of my life in reaction to what has come my way rather than being proactive. I don’t always want to stay stuck in that. Part of my hesitation of doing a new solo was having the same limited outcome. I’ve never been satisfied with them. They are my children. They are what I have given to the world and I want them to succeed. I also don’t want to be a terrible stage parent forcing something on them they may not want. I’m going to do a lot more advertising for this show than my others. Still not enough to warrant federal regulation. Enough to say I stand behind it.