and the winner is….

Watched all of the Tonys and the pre-show coverage. Now I must go eat raw steak. Actually, it was entertaining but completely lacking in surprises. I was happy for the new works kicking butt this year. Tracy Letts speech was inspiring. He said writing is better than acting. How that moment was better than auditioning for JAG. They say your words and you don’t have to be at the theatre eight times a week.

I met with a career coach last week. I am doing too many different things. My goals are not concrete. I don’t celebrate when I accomplish something. I don’t acknowledge it. I don’t take a moment to be grateful for what I have. I don’t mail industry people when I’m in something. I don’t really know for sure where I want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years.

I can’t decide if acting is better than writing. I know when someone says I’m a good writer my acting side gets jealous. I’m kind of mess again and I’m needing to clear out my attic, as it were. I might be scared of making a decision because it might not work out as well as the other path. So if I fail, it would be twice the failure because I let the other thing go. Do I have to choose? I guess I have to if I want to gain any ground. Do I need to gain ground?

A good friend called a couple of days ago with some serious problems involving his family and what they will do. Without using details, it was catastrophic. I have to admire his attitude. He said he would weather it and that it’s only preparing him for something bigger.

I realize my current problems are small potatoes in comparison. And, isn’t it funny that I’d be jealous of his problems. I mean, he has a wife and a child. He’s an adult. I haven’t figured out yet what we’re supposed to be doing.

I think I don’t want to just be doing things to be doing things anymore. I don’t need to be busy to feel important or to avoid things.