’09 so far, part 2

Once I have the BB down (Ok, I’m not a total luddite but I really want to be able to stip the BB down and build back up if I want) I’m going to work on my brain. I’ve going to the gym a lot. Thank goodness as I took a nasty spill on the icy front steps this morning. Now I want to build my mind up. I’m going to do more puzzles and things to sharpen my recall. I want to be quicker with names and places. I used to quote dialogue from movies easily. Now I paraphrase a paraphrase.

I have my writing projects lined up. Carolyn and I have been watching Slings and Arrows, the Canadian comedy series about the ups and downs of a classical rep. theater. It is such a joy to watch and a reminder of what’s transcendent and good about the stage. I’d like ’09 to be a year where I dig into a major classical role. I haven’t done much of that kind of work since grad school, only 2 Shakespeares.

This year I’m also going to have my full personality on at all times. Early on, I learned to adapt by shrinking and bending myself until it felt ok to unleash the full me. I think life is richer with a “take it or leave it” attitude up front. I’ll deal with the consequences. It comes from a need to please everyone that’s so freakin’ exhausting. I’ve done my time.

Watching CNN with Dick Cheney. How is his skin so baby smooth? I guess hiding in a bunker does wonders for you. I believe Sarah Palin just fired “the media” this week. Is this some way of trying to bully them to do her will down the line? ’09 will see me getting more involved in a couple of political things. More than just internet stuff.

I’m figuring out other sideline work. Several people have said I’d make a good life coach. What appeals to me is helping others and having flexibility. Plus it’s dealing with people and making some moolah. I still need to stay away from teaching artist work for now. I miss it sometimes and feel a decline in purpose in life. There’s a group in Red Hook that does good stuff with creating original theater for at-risk youth I might volunteer with just to keep some involvement without having to travel 90 minutes each way. Plus I don’t know Red Hook much at all. That’s silly considering the Ikea bus goes right in front of our place. I wonder if you have to use a receipt to return on it. Probably. Fake Swedish bastards!

This year I’m going to run a half-marathon. I feel that’s a realistic and achievable goal. Once I get beyond that I’ll look at a full marathon. I’m enjoying treadmill running but I’ll need to get on a program to make this happen. I don’t want it to be a bullshit thing where I mention it and casually let it glide.

I’m going to download more music and post more video. I’m going to post a book on making solo performance. I’m going to be fiscally sound this year and make small investments on the web.

I’m going to go on a trip by myself somewhere for no reason other than to see the place. It’s called a vacation or a sightseeing trip. I’ve heard people do that. I’ve never tried it other than the time I drove by myself to the Grand Canyon from Charlottesville, VA and back in six days after a bad break-up. There’s a few spots in America and Canada I haven’t seen yet that I’d like to check off my list. Doing the starving artist thing has its pluses and minuses. The unemployment-staycation- underemployment-catch-up-overemployment-before-more-unemployment-never-quite-there- permenant-future-insecurity thing would be a minus. This year, I’ll take a grown-up trip somewhere just to enjoy the pleasure of my own company. Nothing big or fancy. I don’t have anything other than this so far.

I’m going to learn how to take a good picture. I’m going to get a digital camera and take pictures. I’m also going to learn how to look at a lens when someone else is snapping and not wince because it feels like my soul is being raped. I’m going to get a voice-over demo that’s good out there. I’ve always feared having my picture taken and have been insecure about my voice thanks to graduate school. That’s going to change.

I’m going to take some yoga classes more frequently and do more improv to bring more joy. I want to get back to being more open to my world and taking things with more of a sense of humor. I’m going to climb a rock wall and hike a trail somewhere north of the city.

I’m going to make more time for my friends in person, not just on Facebook. I’m going to live more time in good self-esteem than neurosis and be around people who do likewise. I’m going to tell people when I’m hurt and angry so we can deal with it. I’m going to listen to things I don’t want to hear. I’m not going to live in fear of my feelings or anyone else’s.

I’m going to continue to pray for peace and reason.

Now that this incomplete list is done, I’m going to get a sandwich.