If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Improve It

Went the night before last to the Park Slope Barber and had my head shaved. Opted not to do this at home because I didn’t want to have the tub look like a crime scene. Also, and more importantly, because it would probably never happen. I’d just stare at whatever instrument I picked up to do the job and get side-tracked with what would amount to a follicle suicide note.

I’ve been wearing hats for the last 2 days. I sometimes feel a breeze on my scalp sitting at my desk. On the first night, my hair tried to burst back out of my head. I could feel it, though that might have been Phantom Hair Syndrome.

At the first gathering for Revolving Floor last night, I wore a hat. A few said they assumed I shaved my head because I was balding. (The picture currently used on this blog is from just over a year ago, you be the judge.) The sprouting fuzz feels like the car seat in my grandparents’ 1980 Lincoln Continental.

Each time I catch my reflection, I’m shocked like I have a bare breast hanging out and I fear being arrested. People who don’t know me tell me it “looks normal” and “not that weird”. I want to believe them but each time I see myself, it’s like different areas of my face and scalp go in and out of focus. If I walk towards glass and can see myself for a few seconds, it’s like this big forehead is coming at me. The top is so smooth and pure compared to the rougher, more lined face. My ears curve out slightly at the top, just enough to give a touch of Martian to my appearance. My cheeks look bigger to me now.

Sometimes I look like a Buddhist. Sometimes a hit man. 8 months or 80, depending on the light. As I walk around, I keep thinking, “Now you know. Now there’s nothing to hide. You know the truth. All this time I had you fooled but now you know.” I think about standing on the corner with a paper cup to collect change for my missing hair.

I did this to play Argan in The Hypochondriac. We’re going to have production photos taken soon. Our first read-through is Sunday. I hope this will be enough for the part. I don’t think make-up will work in that space. I’m pretty awful at make-up so it will look like a child outside the lines on my face.