I pity the fool that doesn’t drink coffee. And that fool is now me. To my right is a cup of herbal infused stuff in a silk bag I don’t understand. Steeping, not brewing. It’s been 22 days since my last cup of coffee. I’ve also given up diet soda. I’ve had a couple dozen or so of those over the course of the year, which is a significant drop. I haven’t had any of that since I stopped drinking coffee.
You would think I would be less dehydrated. Maybe it’s the cold weather and the heat at home and the office, but I feel more dehydrated. I’ve begun drinking hot water as my go-to beverage. At the Clark Kent job, there are a lot of those 75-cent coffee dispenser machines. It has a button that pours hot water. So for zero cents, I have a beverage. Sort of the vapor cigarette of coffee drinkers. People see a cup in my hand and assume I’m normal. I’m not. I’m a beverage poser.
This started because I was busy one Saturday morning and we were out of coffee at home. Usually this means a walk down to Cafe Amrita where coffee is quite good. I was too busy. I went the whole day without a sip. Went to a friend’s birthday dinner. Everything felt off. I would respond slowly to things. I kept to myself a lot.
In the middle of the night, the sinus/scalp headache and the optic nerve throbbing were severe. I took 3 Aleve. The next morning I was really nauseas. The train ride was not fun. By the end of brunch I had to dash twice to the restroom at the Rocking Horse. I was a sick urban cowboy.
I suppose I could switch over to green tea. I didn’t realize it has 1/4 the caffeine of coffee. I thought they were without caffeine and full of Buddha wisdom and natural calm. Some are decaf but sounds like they are treated with chemicals. Might as well drink coffee.
I’ve found I wake up much earlier without the coffee. Going to sleep nearly the same time but I think get better REM sleep. I don’t wake up refreshed. I do stare out the window and think about things for a couple more hours than usual. I should make productive use of that time. When I work, I find I have to take breaks more frequently. I can usually just go and go and go. In a way, I have a better sense of what my real capabilities are. I have a better sense of how I was making myself deeply unhappy by doing too much but not feeling I was really doing anything.
Some days the despair is really thick. Today is not so bad.