Round 2

Completed the second draft of American Badass tonight. When it’s just an edit rather than a full rewrite, I feel like I am cheating. Now that all that writing crap is over, I can rip off the playwright hat and put on the producer hat. I hope to do most of that in the next couple of weeks so I can throw on the actor hat. I feel in a lot of ways, that’s the part of me that’s been the most neglected or abused. So funny since for a long time I had difficulty separating who I am from myself as an actor. Over identification. Maybe that could be a piece. After the next one, which will simply be called Green. My favorite color and it has many connotations. I think I will be focusing mostly on sex and money.
I meet with Chris Foster tomorrow to go over costumes. I haven’t had costumes in a show in a long time. I suppose I could go without but I think it will be a nice addition. She wants to have bigger changes than I would like. I’d like to keep things the same from the waste down, simply because I don’t have a lot of time to change during the show. Spoke with Debby Schwartz about the music for the show. She’s super cool and is going to create a couple new tunes for it. I love how whacky creative she is. She comes up with these great ideas and wants to do all these great little noises and fills in the show. Like a Pink Floyd album. I’d love to get to a point of having a soundscape like that but it would be difficult. I know Laurie Anderson did Spalding Gray’s stuff after it was filmed.
Eric Bogosian would tape record his pieces until they were where he wanted them to be. I feel like writing is better for me. I like having the frame from which to work. Comes from the acting background. I’ve been going back and forth a lot in my own head about my identity as an actor or as a writer. I would like life to have it so I don’t have to choose and can live in an artistic Utah. Part of it is a decision on my part about what I will let myself do or not do. If you give away the milk for free, the universe will respond in kind.
I awoke today with the craziest scramble brain. All these thoughts going, going, going. I find it’s more difficult to get out the door with that. And I had the exact same morning because the commercial I was auditioning for on Friday was postponed until this morning due to a trip to the emergency room for one of the cds. It took me 15 more minutes to get out today and I didn’t have any coffee. Maybe I was groggy from sleep deprivation. The audition was weird. I love how you eventually run into someone from every chapter from your life at auditions.
I talk to regular actors a lot. It’s a different mindset from what I have and possibly why I’m not more of a star. I think I used to have that gene but I gave it up. Sometimes it’s a game you play with your own mind. A friend of mine did a reading with me last night at the Metropolitan Playhouse. He said it’s when you give it all up that usually something lands in your lap. I don’t know about that. I guess it works for him. He’s had a bit more traditional success than I have.
For me, doing the work can’t be about becoming famous or trying to forge a career out of it. At one point I did try to milk that out of it and maybe I could have eventually done that. But why bother birthing a child and rearing it if you’re only going to whore it out? I tell you, doing this stuff keeps you from facing not having anything to do. I don’t know if I like being in that place. I think there’s a balance to be attained.
I hope I can draw a college and high school crowd for this one, if possible. I don’t know if it would appeal but I do want those first time voters coming out to think about what’s going on now.

the winter/spring continuum

I heard yesterday that there are over 200 million blogs on the internet that have been abandoned. This was one of them and now I am hoping to make up for lost time. Since my last post, I’ve written several short plays, performed a revamped version of my solo, ANHEDONIA ROAD, started a solo performance workshop, taught a few hundred kids/teens, and started a run of a play from 1798 called ANDRE. Tonight I felt I was beginning to get sick so I took an Airborne, a Cold-eeze, and 2 Sudafed. Carolyn was kind enough to make me some peppermint tea with honey. If I didn’t have a head cold, that would taste nasty. My body must be throwing in the towel after the stress of opening the show and gearing up for the Times coming out on Monday night. We had a nice full house of allies. My neoroses were getting the better of me as I was doing a New England accent for the first time. More of an historic New England accent with more leanings on the Scottish. I wanted to give the feeling this soldier I play was second or third generation in this country and that he worked hard and had a strong moral center. You don’t get that from the text and our director was pushing for something unique from me. It was birthed rather late in the rehearsal process but I only rehearsed 4 or 5 times. I also have a limp from a wound from a bayonet. If I’m not careful, I can seem kind of pirate-like. Johnny Depp squeezed one Oscar nod out of that and pretty much plumed whatever riches can be found from that.

It’s been a cold couple of days and we were blessed with a little snow today. Last Saturday was in the 50s and I was wearing a light jacket. I bet I got this from Kara Tyler the other day. She is one of the Groove Mama’s in whose space I run my solo performance workshop. I met up to give her back her key and she gave me this nonsense. I’ll get you yet Kara Tyler!! I’m used to having spring come in by now and not getting sick until November. I don’t know about you but I got through most of this winter without a cold and now I’m rambling like some Civil War soldier in a Ken Burns doc. Feel free to add your own violins underneath as you read. It’s blissfully warm in this apartment. The only place I’ve lived in New York without the nefarious chill sneaking in through cracks and enveloping me in a nasty shield of pain. As I was crossing 9th street, I was thinking how I have to sit down and pop out a 10-minute play about spring for Core Theatre Co. I am rarely not inspired but this weather is really busting my chops here.

And what about Captain America dying? I don’t get that. I don’t have much of a relationship with him but still….