Another Day in the Equity Lounge

For those who couldn’t make it, here’s my piece from the One-Minute Play Festival at HERE tonight. It got a decent response. Big thanks to Toby Knops and Dominic D’Andrea for putting this on. Incredible writing from the other writers, sharp direction, and pretty amazing acting. The night flew by and was really satisfying. Check it out next year, if you missed it.

Another Day in the Equity Lounge
By Chris Harcum

ACTRESS
And that is why I haven’t talked to him to this day.

(She lowers her head for a brief moment and then raises it and looks at the Casting Director.)

Thank you.

CASTING DIRECTOR
What? Oh, yes. Thank you. Let me just, uh, take a look at your resume before you…oh, I see you went to—

ACTRESS
—We went to the same school, yes. I was a couple years behind you. You don’t remember me. That’s ok.

CASTING DIRECTOR
No, I was just trying to place—

ACTRESS
—We did three shows together. You used to make fun of me in the dressing room mirror when I looked down. Can I ask what you were doing?

CASTING DIRECTOR
I don’t remember.

ACTRESS
No, not back then. Fuck back then. I know what you were doing back then. You were undermining my chances of getting Lysistrata. That’s fine. Water under the bridge. I meant now.

CASTING DIRECTOR
I was looking at your—

ACTRESS
—No. During my audition. You were tweeting, weren’t you?

CASTING DIRECTOR
No, why would I do that?

ACTRESS
Because you’re a bitch. Was it my hair? My outfit? My monologue choice? Doesn’t matter. Why? Because that cute guy who directed Lysistrata, he’s my husband now. And the whole department had a Dark Days Are Over Party in your honor after you left. Three of the faculty came and danced for hours. No one would cough up a good recommendation for you so that’s why you’re sitting over there instead of standing up here. In fact, your name is evoked in audition technique classes to this day as a prime example of how not to do ANYTHING. So write about how much you’ve fucked up your life in under a hundred and forty characters and see if anyone cares. And thank you for your time.

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